At night

Oh, how they glisten!

The notes like sparks,

Won’t you just listen?

How they shine, shards

Of light and they darken

My oddest remarks.

New DEP Single: "Farewell, Mona Lisa"

>>> Order the Album on iTunes here <<<

Pulling the puzzles apart

It's way past bedtime, and I've got nothing to do but write. Write about my day, this night, or is it my life? This life. Who cares? I'll catch the next train to sleep, the one sleep specialists say comes at 2.

The bus driver looks like a nice guy. I didn't even know there could still be a bus there at 11:30 pm, which makes him seem somewhat nicer. Does this bus stop at my stop? Apparently not, but he says he can drop me on the other side of the hotel, and that it's not too long a walk. I don't really care, I don't mind the walking. I like walking, especially on dark gloomy streets. I love the contrast between the faint orange street lights and the dark, the shadows of buildings and the white neon lights. Or maybe it's just that everything looks so quiet, so calm. Past a certain time, this world can very much seem like a sleeping giant.

In a way it makes me feel more alive, to think that there may be a risk to walk on the road less traveled. Funny it should be dark, that's not how I usually imagine it.

Well, the guy assumes I just want to get home as soon as possible. It's true, but it doesn't really matter that much.

Oh shit, no change in my pockets, just my credit card! The driver tells me that at this time in the evening, no one is going to check anyways. I can travel for free.

We keep talking about where he's going to drop me off. If only he had known how little I actually cared, we wouldn't have talked at all. But I wanted to talk about it. Seems like the appropriate thing to do, act like you care. And he's really nice and looks like he enjoys talking to people, which is why I didn't let the conversation die.

Are you a student? Yep. You go to ESSEC? Yes. I surprised myself on this one. Tonight like for most of this semester, I didn't give a crap where I went to school. Not like a few months ago, when I could never prevent my overinflated ego to shine all across my face when people who couldn't care less asked me where I studied out of sheer politeness. Why? Is it pride? Am I proud? Of what? Going to a good school? What the hell, I don't even know what that means, a "good school". What the hell happened to me in the last 12 years?

But tonight I was in touch with the child I brought home from Africa. The one who got beat up in 7th grade. The one who didn't understand the world around him, but was eager to learn. The one who was infinitely wiser than I have been these past years. I didn't give a crap, I was just me, not the other ESSEC guy I hate and wish would disappear.

I said it the way I meant it, not the way I thought he would want me to say it. A liberating feeling truly, to be yourself. It's kind of like taking off the make-up, and liking what you see in the mirror. Obviously, I don't actually wear make-up. Well, not the visible kind anyways.

So are you going to the party on Tuesday? Ha! He knows about it. What should I say? Yes, of course I am going to the party!

I don't really enjoy the parties, I just like spending time with my friends. I don't see them enough this semester. Or not for long enough periods of time. But who am I kidding? They want me to get drunk. It would be the first time if I did, and frankly it would kill me to do it. Those who know me know that I stand firmly against alcohol and getting drunk. It's a question of values. Or non-conformism or something. Or health, safety...integrity. Yeah, integrity. Sounds good but can I really say I always act with integrity? Hell no. So what's it to me? Who knows. Defending what's left of my past, perhaps. I always look to the future by nature. I've always been like that. Sort of like a refuge, but it makes me neglect the present, and regret the past.

So it turns out the bus driver volunteered to drive us drunken and worn out students back home, throughout the early morning hours on Wednesday. He won't make a single dime for the extra hours. He just does it for the students. So does he care about helping students? Does he like cleaning up puke at 4 o'clock in the morning? I knew it! He tries to look like he doesn't care about his surroundings, with his slightly detached attitude. But he loves his job. He loves meeting new people. I can tell. I can always tell these things.

"Oh what good is it to live, with nothing left to give
Forget but not forgive, not loving all you see"

What's home when you're all alone? Well, maybe the incredible music of Coldplay playing through the late hours of the night. People like us don't care much for short-term purpose. We enjoy the little, insignificant things and savor them as much as possible. Every note on that keyboard. The beauty of every thought shared with a complete stranger. Every strum on that abrasive guitar. Every little cloud of fog moving mysteriously under a street light. Every ray of morning light that tries to wake you up. Every drop of rain on your skin. The look in someone's eyes on the bus. The concrete arches of the tunnel's ceiling gliding in and out of the back window.

For the first time in ages, I sang my heart out today.

And it felt like I was telling a tale of a billion years.

Projects for the year!

Hi there! 

Did you miss me?

This semester, my outlook on life has really shifted since the 2nd-year internship this summer. Here and there a few illusions have been destroyed and forgotten, and I now feel freer than ever. And I am dreaming big. Really, BIG. More on that at next summer if these dreams do come true (and they just might! :P).

One of the reasons why I feel somewhat guilty for not having posted anything these past weeks is that I have much more free time than the last 2 years. I am literally looking at 8h weeks in terms of classes. But before you start rambling about how it's scandalous to have so few hours, and that I should've taken advantage of that to post, yada yada yada, you should know that there are many things I am working on at the moment. My time has indeed been put to good use this month.

First of all, I am deep into the paperwork required for me to go to Emory for next semester's exchange. I still have papers to fill out with the bank, which is very time-consuming and requires constant focus. Otherwise, it's pretty much done...for the first phase. Then once Emory confirms that everything is in order, I will have to work things out with the US embassy, which should also be fun! I heard they require a 15-minute interview with all visa applicants, and that actually seems quite interesting.

In other news, as a member of Sife ESSEC, I am currently working towards leading my own humanitarian project. It would consist of doing something to support Njala University in Sierra Leone, once a leading university in the region, which was destroyed by the civil war and needs help to get back on its feet. One of the main ideas I have is setting up a business incubator there, with the guidance of ESSEC Ventures and the financial support of major corporate players in Sierra Leone. In the short term, I am preparing a presentation for next week to try and get people on board.

Njala University

Njala University

Njala University

Recently, I applied to work as a monitor, specifically in inter-cultural negotiations, within ESSEC Irene, a (the?) leading European research center in the domain of negotiations, provider of seminars, conferences, and more, including to top universities such as, yes, the big H. Given my 13 years spent abroad, and my subsequent deep interest in relations between cultures, I believe this would be a very rewarding experience for me.

I am also going to retake the TOEFL asap. Now I know 108/120 is good, and I know it was enough to pass the Emory requirements, but the thing is, I should have gotten ~10 more points. I misunderstood the format, waited for 20 minutes like a jack***, and didn't get the chance to put in my answers for the very first text of the reading comprehension section. As a result, that section was graded 19/30, while the others were graded 30, 29, and 30. Just because I didn't pay attention. That's so like me to do things like that (don't laugh, I hate myself) , but this time, I am going to try and make things right.

In more general terms, although I do have fewer classes than the last two years, the work is much more team- and project-based. Read "long-term and difficult to plan out". I am part of approximately 5 different teams in various subjects and, believe you me, we are far from  roommates. From those who go back to Paris whenever they are free, to those who have other things going on (like me and my projects), to those who get annoyed and jumpy because of the complexity of the whole situation, it has become somewhat stressful. The funny part is, the work we have to do is not actually that hard or demanding. The real challenge is getting organized.

And I didn't even talk about the help I am providing my sister with to get her things set up in Paris. She's attending Sciences Po, and do you know what they study there? Uh-huh, 1st year microeconomics. And guess who did that most recently in the family (with a Sciences Po professor, oh, the irony)? Yours truly.

So yes, I have been for all intents and purposes, internet-dead this month, but as you can see, it's because many different things are happening in my life.

Busy...Busy-ness... Business. 

It actually makes perfect etymological sense. 

So why, oh why, didn't I see any of that coming?

Extrapolations on Perspective

The context

A few weeks back (it must have been around 5 weeks back), as some of you may know, I was out in the sun, visiting as many buildings as possible to build a database at work.

As I walked passed the beautiful and gigantic Etisalat tower that I had just surveyed/ reviewed, I realized that these tall and new buildings that were closer to the roads were actually hiding many less-than-impressive residential buildings, home to the Indian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi and Sri Lankan working classes. Essentially forming the core of the various blocks in the area, these low-rise properties (5 floors) were bustling with life.

Ground-floor retail, -or GFR as it has come to be known in our office-, makes the streets there radiate with colors. No fancy marketing, all of these shops are mediocre at best and the signs are indeed colorful, but rarely tasteful. Nonetheless they provide the many residents of the area with laundry services, photocopy services, computer repairs and cheap coffee shops. As dirty (it seems unhealthy to even walk past some of them) and shabby as they were, it occurred to me that these minute shops together formed the very heart of the community I was in.

So here I was, observing avidly what people were up to. Some of them were sitting on stairs in front of the buildings. Others were simply walking and looking around. 11 perfectly identical buildings were organized in what could be called a sub-block, and they surrounded a central open space. Kids were shouting. They were playing cricket. As I continued my survey, I started to feel like I was becoming part of all this. The noise, the colors, the movement, the (most unpleasant) smells. The place engulfs you in a feeling of warm and welcoming discomfort.

As I finally decided that I had entered a whole other world than the one I had imagined back when I was surveying the luxurious, spotless 40-storey tower of the national telecom company, I was quick to sink deeply into one of these "take-a-step-back" moments that have come to provide me, over the years, with most of my more philosophical insights and, later, convictions.

As it often happens, my metaphor-loving mind started drawing lessons on something completely unrelated: Leadership.

And then it struck

It started unexpectedly. Conscious as I was of the deep clivage between the appearance and the reality of the area, my eyes tried to find the landmark building I had first surveyed, to revel even more in this striking divide. Surely, with 35 floors more than the old little clones, I would have no trouble locating the gleaming tower that was merely 60 to 70 meters away. But I couldn't. Why? Perspective.

So close was I to the smaller residences, I could not even see the tip of Etisalat A. I took a few steps back. Not there. Another few steps back. No luck either. I turned around and moved in a few swift strides to the center of the sub-block to get the best chance to see it. Turned around, it wasn't there. I was trapped. Trapped in this other world. It was somewhat suffocating but I stayed there and started thinking. (now it gets freaky ^^)

The metaphor

To me, it seemed these buildings could be compared to people. What if this whole thing was a company? The idea seemed good.

I was now a small, almost insignificant worker in a massive multinational firm. The telecom tower was the global CEO of the group. The once-white buildings were now middle-to-low managers. In this context, I noted that the Harvard-educated CEO who earned USD 5 million as a base salary and 7 more in company stocks, lived in Santa Clara in Cal, and drove an Enzo was relatively less impressive, in the eyes of the ant I had become, than the mere team leaders with high-school educations and simple Fiesta's and Clio's. Indeed, it was safe to say that, to me my direct supervisors, albeit being infinitely less high-ranking and qualified than the superstar CEO, were my only masters. The CEO was not even in sight! So what can we draw from that far-fetched metaphor?

Lessons for the CEO (also note that "CEO" is a metaphor for anyone with some power, in any context, including non-professional)

The more people you lead, the more you become invisible to the people you lead, because the size of your company pushes you out of sight of the low-ranking employees. Indeed the middle managers, who become essential as more people work for your company, are closer to your employees than you are. Never forget that middle managers have more influence than you do.

If you become invisible like the Etisalat tower...how do you solve this problem? It's difficult if not nearly impossible without radical measures such as laying off all middle managers and the resulting unsupervised workers (talk about becoming popular ^^), but it would certainly help a lot to spend time getting known by the workers. This can be done most effectively... by getting to know some of them on a more personal basis. Come this close to a worker and he will soon realize that the tower you are is indeed so much more than the supervisor he previously held in admiration. Let them actually see you where they can compare you with their direct supervisors. You will gain much respect from them and obtain more political power when it comes to managing your firm.

You must also (and it is less logistically challenging than the previous piece of advice), communicate extensively with your employees. Heck, keep a blog updated, or a weekly newsletter, to let them know what's going on and what you are currently assessing in terms of company strategy, provide them with extensive feedback tools and listen to their ideas. Make your workers feel valued not by the elusive "company" (that's a mistake many firms do), but by YOU personally. No matter how far along on the evolutionary track human beings are when it comes to abstract thinking, no idea or concept can ever be as inspirational as another human being providing them with direction, attention, and a sense of self-worth. Any action you can take to be that human being in their eyes, will earn you respect and near-blind trust. The most valuable assets of a leader.

However, in applying these methods, be especially careful not to completely overpower the lower managers, as they remain a vital link between your strategy and its different resulting applications. It's a question of balance. Keep everyone aware that you ultimately remain their leader, but don't crush people. Don't destroy the spheres of influence each supervisor gets from Perspective, because this influence, whether they know it or not, is their most valuable tool. Take it away, and you will find them to perform poorly. Your company will start lacking in coordination. Results will get affected and your credibility destroyed. The middle managers will either feel vain and leave by themselves, or HR will eventually make them redundant (take about becoming popular v.2 ^^).

In brief, be aware of Perspective. This driving force behind the concept of Leadership has to be kept balanced enough so that you retain your power, without at the same time affecting your company negatively by giving the impression you are the only one with power. You have the most power, yes, but NEVER all of it.

And in the meantime, I feel like Machiavelli LOL.

Lessons from this Week/ "Explaining the Complaining"

So I came home yesterday. I thought the day was never going to end. Every minute seemed to bring its small share of pain. I realized a few things , beause, yes, I consider myself the "learning" type. I understood that:

-If someone gives you something to do, it's always your call in the end, but be sure to be balanced overall. If you become a "yes person", or a "no person", it will be used against you.

-Never trust anyone, and I mean anyone. Before you know it, even your best friend will be kicking you on your way out. This lesson I had already learned before though, but it's another story.

-When working in a team, the discussion shouldn't be between Titles, but the actual People behind them. It's just unnerving to have 10 people in a meeting room, watching a three-way conversation for an hour, and taking notes. You might as well stay in school and write down valuable things. This is especially important in situations where titles (and their corresponding job descriptions) are violated daily. It only adds to the irony of it all.

-Two days ago, we were reviewing a draft for a 100,000$ report that is due next week. Believe it or not, in the pompously named "Marketing Strategy" section there was written, and I quote: "Blah Blah Blah". Conclude what you will, but I, for one, was disappointed by the whole of mankind at the very moment the slide appeared. Maybe I'm just a perfectionist, huh?

-Leadership should mean thinking ahead, not smiling and talking "the talk". There shouldn't be any other definition of it. Communication is a tool of leadership, not the actual thing itself. Always keeping your interests in mind is one thing, but when it shows it's not leadership, it's ridiculous.

-Perhaps the most important realization today was that no one really cares about the job. People are interchangeable, and 90% of them don't actually enjoy what they do.

-Why is this last point so important? Because it goes to show that you shouldn't sweat the small stuff (ie your work), and that in this world, there is no need for you to choose a job that you like. In turn, what you're really left with are office politics. Backstabbings. Rumors. Continuous deception. I was ASTONISHED by the amount of effort people put into seeming rather than actually being. If that makes any sense.

- That is why some of you may have seen on Twitter that I was being pushed towards entrepreneurship. Because I am definitely one of these people who care about doing exactly what they want with their lives. And I certainly don't want to cope with any office politics. Jut 2 months of it wore me down. (one month to go) And I was never even a real target.

Yesterday redefined hectic, but only until today, when the bar will really be set high. Imagine two days, from 8h30 to 18h, walking in 47C from building to building to approximate their floor plates' areas by PACING!!. 3o times per day. There. That's why it looks like I'm complaining.

And now to explain why I (seem to) always complain. I have a strong set of values. Integrity is one of them, Passion is one of them, Responsability, Respect, Justice and Equity are also among them. Yesterday, almost all of them got transgressed, one way or another. Usually these values come together, in what is roughly referred to as "Ethics". Social ethics, work ethics, etc. I believe they are essential, that's just the way I am.

And by the way believe it or not, I'm not a "hippie", nor left-wing on the political side. In fact I am more of a "conservative", as Americans would have it. A "liberal", in French terms. Just debunking a few common misconceptions here.

I have come to realize, after 19 years, that I was the only person I knew who actually never cheated once on a test. Well to be honest, I did try once or twice, but turning myself in each time, after class was over. I didn't get the points, but I got respect from my teachers. To me ethics are of utmost importance, because I know first hand that they will earn you respect from your peers. Hopefuly, it will inspire them to be ethical as well.

Now look back on a time you remember saying or thinking "Thibaut sure complains a lot". Consider the situation carefully and look at the values above. Understand now? Good, you've decrypted the Why.

The How is something I need to work on. When I am revolted by something and want to share it with others, and try to make them understand how important an issue poor ethics can be, I should strive not to give the impression that I am complaining. Frankly, I don't personally care if the tests aren't the same for different people in a same class. I don't really mind if poor marketing and organization can be resolved ever so easily and make our school twice as good at it is now. I don't mind when someone in a position of leadership makes the wrong decision, or doesn't take the best.

What really bothers me most is that people seem blind to the simplicity of improving things. I am strongly growth-oriented, it's in my very nature. I cannot understand how people can bear with a non-optimal status quo, and put up with all these things that don't only defy essential values but also common sense, when they are sometimes merely a step away from the best situation possible. That's what really frustrates me. A lot.

Some say I'm a Perfectionist, but I'm really an Idealist (by the way this has been confirmed by multiple tests: I'm an INFP). Maybe it looks the same and none of these two is particularly better than the other.

But the major difference is that, as an Idealist, I NEVER "complain" per se. I only speak up when things can be improved. Think about it. Last time you thought I was complaining, didn't I say stuff like "They could've...", "It would be so much better if...", or other things along this line? Chances are I did repeatedly.

I try to keep it as constructive as possible. Granted sometimes I fail to make my approach very clear. It is a communication issue I'm not exactly fine-tuned on yet. But I'm still young, and as I said, I am a learner.

ESSEC Lipdub!!

I love my school!!!

Lipdub ESSEC 2009