Rebuilding The Geek Inside

Hi! :D

Okey! So here I am, it's quite late considering tomorrow's test and I just had a flash.

What if I became a true Geek? Not an amateur Geek, a real one. Now, considering a Geek is NOT a "nolife", but actually quite the opposite, it would make logical sense to strive for geekiness.

This is true because:

- A geek is usually knowledgeable and curious, striving to accumulate things that seem trivial but are actually fundamental. (ie: how, from the inside out, computers and IT work)

- A geek is passionate about a few things, interested in all, and will usually go a long way to keep up to date and even try to anticipate changes: excellent for a healthy mind.

Apart from that, you may ask why I would personally want to strive for the geek ideal, and how. Your wish is my command.

WHY:

Because I want to! And the more I look at the average Geek, and see how this definition fitted me as a child (obsessed with science, books and comics, not too fond of mathematics but just enough to be good, constant curiosity, etc), the more I feel I have somehow repressed this part of me.

Come to think of it, I may have become a little French around the edges. I de-geeked if you will, starting in 6th grade. It was the first time I came to France, aged 11. I realized then that I had never actually been exactly French-minded, and that it was a good thing. I had never encountered such a hostile place, such closed minds (Since I was arriving after 4 years spent in Ivory Coast, people thought I was African! For crying out loud!).

And now, 8 years later I wonder how facing this wall has affected me. I had trouble making friends (which I eventually did) when I was actually most eager to make friends. Instead, I was called origin-based names, and even bullied in 7th grade. It was impossible for me to apprehend such a complete shift in paradigm: it was no longer a good thing to be open, sympathetic, or a good student to be appreciated. You had to be "tough", as they said. Friendliness was not the best way to make friends anymore. I now wonder to what extent I might have "beaten myself in" during the whole process of finding a few valuable friends in France. I started reading less and less books, science magasines, and comics.

And these past few months, it's all caught up with me. I have been virtually math-deprived for the past 2 years, away from any science for 3 years and I haven't picked up a decent comic in a looong time. And low and behold! I understood how important these things were to me. Sure I'm crazy about aesthetics, am completely in love with music, have a blog and surf around. But the truth is, I fear that I am losing my ability to think logically and feel a little off-balanced. It really concerns me. I'd love a good biology class, or a physics class (geez to think it's been 4 years since my last class on the subject), be 7 again and discover new things eagerly.

Nowadays I look around me, see the world, contemplate it, even dream about how it might be, briefly indulging in a fleeting moment of self-contempt. But heck, I don't even understand a damn thing about how it all works. It's really quite depressing. Like I've cheated myself all this time, -and for what? Originally just to "fit in".

Now HOW will I reconnect the geek I've always been at heart? Excellent question.

I am thinking of changing activities a bit. Surfing is not productive, unless it is to check out wikipedia, work, or write an article to reflect on myself and formalize my inner desires. ^^

I need more involvement in my environment. I am fed up with artsy detachment, and other bullcrap excuses not to make any effort. Basically I have to turn back my whole approach of the world. And READ. God do I need to read. I think I'll get myself a new subscription to Science Et Vie, but not the Junior version like in the old days.

Activities I have to re-connect with include the following:

- Reading (classic books, historical fictions, sci-fi, and more),

- Reading (science mags, comic books, anything interesting which ideally will become everything written ^^),

- Drawing,

- Playing RPGs :P

- Sport, and not just the sporadic run in the park,

- Move around, go discover unfamiliar places, meet new people, start new projects.

- etc. (<<<>

There. That should just about get me started. :)